It's summer in New Zealand and I spent it updating a new digital edition of The Church of John Coltrane. Going back to my previously published work is strange. I fought the temptation to make changes – Han still shoots first – but there were also errors to catch. I see the overlap with other things I've written. I consciously borrowed elements from this novel for Blue Hotel including the drowning disappearance and the mysterious building. (Hardly anyone read Coltrane in English, so I figured why not? Ah, the irony...) But there are also things I return to in my fiction and I see where they come from. In the old days unpacking an author's themes and imagery was the task of interviewers and careful critics. Now writers handle their own luggage.
I had a brother who drowned. I was his replacement: if he hadn't died I wouldn't be here. He would have been about three years older than me; in our infant photos we look identical. My family including my older siblings never discussed his death but his name came up constantly. He was present only in people's minds. As a result I grew up with the feeling that there was always something going on that people weren't telling me (there was) and that there was another life there somewhere – both an alternative existence, and a life that was part of me. (I always loved Philip K Dick's novels, and it struck me very hard to learn later in life that he had a twin sister who died. I wonder if that's what I see in his work.) I also have powerful memories of childhood when I wasn't there, which does not help moor one's psyche. (I don't believe in reincarnation; I do believe not talking about stuff like this really fucks people up.)
I see this experience surfacing in my fiction now: the paranoia, the divergent / parallel realities, the doppelgängers, the blondes (my brother and I were both fair-haired), the amateur detective who does a lot of careful questioning. I write a lot about the unreliability of recording media: tape and computers and film (it was a big part of Departure Lounge). I'm also very comfortable with an open-ended mystery because my experience of loss is that it's not resolved: it's the experience of it which is the magnet.
Anyway.
These elements are at the forefront of The Church of John Coltrane. The novel was first published by Editions Christian Bourgois in 2009, by Christian Bourgois and Dominique Bourgois, who along with Mathieu and Caroline were a lot of fun in Paris, and as publishers showed faith in me as as a writer – I really hold on to that. The original translation was by Isabelle Chapman, who along with Alain De Kim was also fun in Paris, and, ditto, have supported me greatly over time. There is a lot of wanderlust in this novel, and after I finished it I fucked off to London for several years, which may or may not have been a mistake. Blue Hotel brings a lot of this stuff home and I had plans for a sequel that took things out wider again. Who knows where that will end up. Anyway, The Church of John Coltrane is out there now, again: published and buried.